WHAT
Most of us have probably spent a fair bit of time sharing bad news with one another recently. We need that kind of social support to cope. But how much time have you spent intentionally sharing good news? Finding and celebrating the good stuff in our lives is a powerful strategy for resilience. If we respond with genuine curiosity and interest, in what’s known as Active Constructive Responding (ACR) it’s a great way to build a high quality connection.
WHY
When we respond to others’ good news in an active and constructive way, it strengthens our social connection. Research by Shelly Gable has shown that how we respond to good news is actually a better predictor of the long-term success of a relationship than our response to bad news. Paying attention to the quality of our relationships has the power to increase positive emotions, boost our well-being, increase trust and decrease loneliness.
HOW
There are four ways people typically respond to hearing good news. These four ways are a combination of how active or passive the response is, paired with how constructive or destructive. See if you can identify with any of the following response styles:
Passive Destructive. When good news is shared, the listener displays little interest. They may change the topic, turn away from the conversation, or maybe even leave the room. It sounds bad, but how often have you been so engrossed in your own thoughts that you inadvertently dismissed someone?
Active Destructive. Sometimes we shut down good news unintentionally by pointing out problems and thinking we’re being helpful, e.g., “You got a new car? Geez do you know how much money you’re wasting in payments? A used car makes more sense.” Or perhaps we actually have trouble being happy for someone because we have our own feelings about their news, e.g., “You got a promotion at work? Are you really ready for that sort of responsibility and hours? Now I’m going to have to watch the kids more than I already do.”
Passive Constructive. When someone is excited about something good that happened to them, we might acknowledge it and say we are happy for them, but show little enthusiasm. This could sound like “oh nice” or “good job” without any emotion or any questions to further the conversation.
Active Constructive. As the name implies, this is an authentically enthusiastic and positive response to good news. It usually comes in the form of asking questions and encouraging the other person to share more. An active constructive response allows the person sharing to savor the positive emotions by reliving the good news. In the previous examples, ACR might sound like “Tell me how you felt when you got the promotion” or “What kind of car is it? What do you love about it?” It might look like leaning in, making eye contact, smiling, and showing other non-verbal signs of active listening. ACR is about sharing the joy and taking interest in the other person’s good news.
When someone comes to you with good news, no matter how small, take a deep breath and pause to consider how you might want to respond. When you take the time to deliberately respond with Active Constructive Responding, you are creating a more positive relationship by building trust and connection.
Resources
Active Constructive Responding (Video)
What is Active Constructive Responding? (Article)
Author
Eudaimonic by Design is a global network of consultants, facilitators and systems thinkers who share a passion for the science of well-being and believe that organizations must be designed to enable it. We harness the best of scholarly thought and years of practical experience to help people be truly engaged, act ethically and pursue excellence.
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